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Hahahaha ...funny.
Mama told me to be a perfect girl,
she asked me to wear earrings and fake diamond pearls.
She used to buy me pink colored dresses,
and sold all of my cars for a hand full of gold.
The perfect little lady was respected and known.
In my early years I couldn't complain, so
I travelled on my own, into a world of dreams,
where I was born as a boy.
When I grew a little older, I cryed every night,
because I wasn't allowed to play soccer outside.
Then I fell in love, for the first time in my life,
her name was Anabell, but I was pretty to shy.
She asked me to be friends, which left me happy
and surprised,
I told her that I love her, but she just smiled.
I never knew if she felt love for me too,
because I moved from the town, when I was nine.
At that time I didn't understand how could it be,
that I like to play with boys, but dream of a girl with me,
and I was told that it was bad,
something I shouldn't do, so I went on living,
deneing the truth.
I tryed out with boys and even fell in love with some,
I thought this was happiness, and the thing with girls
is done,
but later I realised, that being friends with boys isn't
what it means to love someone,
that I still like girls, and adore making out with some.
So I started saying that I was bisexuall,
leaving place for a man by my side, eventuell.
And that's when I. begins, when everything turns round.
It started as a joke, and went the whole way down.
(litterarly spoken)
I was hoping that it would turn out right,
when suddenly my heart was broken,
without giving up the fight.
Somehow I can't remember when I felt for the
first time that I love her, but it seems to me like ever,
and I admit it , even if it's a crime.
So, now I'm here, a women, surely of being gay,
but even fighting it for 18 years,
I stil can't proudly say.
the C.S.D. is near, and I'm considering to go,
whereas my other side striktly says "No." .
"Que sera, sera.." is what is written in my homoskope,
and I guess, I'll leave it to desteny, 'cause all I have is hope.
P.S. : Mom, still doesn't know. (Hope she never will! )
suicide note
Tesko je pokazati osjecanja,
kada nisi navikao na to,
kada te svaka suza zaboli, jer je dotakla tvoje dno,
a ti sjedis na dnu dna, bez trunke svjetlosti,
zivot ti izmice, iz ocaja se bojis da se pomjeris
i sve sto si nekada smatrao ispravnim,
prelazi u nesigurno tlo, po kojem hodas
koracima teskim, pokusavas da ne tezis istini,
jer te ubija, pokusava i uspijeva, osvaja i zavarava,
i svaki tren za tebe je teska sudbina,
kada se sjetis sretnih dana, kojih nije bilo puno,
pa iz tih dana vidis samo cudan crni plod,
plod tvoje realnosti, i nosis se s tim, iako nemas snage
da nastavis.
Svjestan si da nikada ustvari nisi ni bio sretan,
I da svaka tvoja iluzija je utopija tvojih misli,
Kada puse i obican juzni vjetar,
Dotice ti samo celo, ali ga probija i ostavlja oziljke,
I takvi isti kao ti, ne razumiju teoriju tvoga bola,
Jer svakome je najtezi kriz onaj koji sami nose.
Gledas u svoje noge bose, oci gladne, sjeverno hladne,
Daleko od raja tvoj je dom.
Pitas se zasto te lome i nedaju ti mira,
Zasto te gledaju kao zivotinju bez manira,
Kao neljudsko bice, i daleko od toga da te postuju,
A svoje snove iz tvojih kuju, crpe ti posljednju kap smiraja,
Ne dozvoljavaju da izadjes iz ocaja, i ocima punim tuge
Dozivas spas, ali spas je uvijek tu .. za neke druge...ne i za nas.
Ti nisi rodjen pod sretnim zvjezdama,ni priblizno tome,
Ti si kopile sudbine i tvoj brod sve vise tone,
Tvoja zvjezda je izgorila davno, i oko tebe sve je suvise tamno,
Prolazno i neprolazno, prazno,
Suvise zelis taj komadic svoga neba, i suvise ti ne daju ono sto ti treba,
Kao da uzivaju u tome da te gledaju dok patis i molis,
Dok vlastita ledja pod njihovim stopama lomis,
Pa se zapitas kuda te vode, ciji te to duhovi uhode,
I trnje tvoje uvele ruze te bode,
Pa se okrenes, probudis i vidis da sve je uzaludno,
Da uzaludno dozivas pomoc, jer u ponoc ce vec biti kasno za to,
Pomjeras prste, gledas konture svoga uvelog tijela,
Sve je nekada to bilo tvoje, a ustvari nikada i nije,
I nanosis sam sebi zlo, samo da skratis muke ponizenja
I ocaja, da ne dozvolis njima da upravljaju tvojim snovima.
A i ti snovi se ruse, i oni koji su te nekada izvlacili iz depre,
Sada te jos vise bacaju i u tvome srcu rupe buse,
Kroz koje je kadar voz proci,
Tvoje srce i dalje krv toci, ispumpava i zivot ti ne koci,
Ali ti umires , i odavno si mrtav, hladan i blijed,
Svih tih dogadjaja slijed je tako predvidiv, da nemas vise snage
Ni da places, ni da se boris.
Oni se pravdaju drugima, oni ti zele samo dobro, ne nanose ti zlo,
Iako znaju istinu suprotnu od toga,
No vise nisi ni siguran sta je istina, i ima li uopce Boga,
A ako ima, zasto sve to dopusta?
Grijesan si , kazes samom sebi, i shvatis da gresaka imas i previse,
Da ne zasluzujes da ti se oprosti i da ti okove popusta,
Da ti zaustavi krvarenje duse, a opet zasluzujes vise nego oni,
Dok oni su sretni, bezbrizni i ubjedjeni da cine pravu stvar.
Programiran si s greskom, i niko nije u stanju otkloniti taj kvar,
I tvoj je kosmos nemoguci dar, a opet se tjeras da pokusas bar.
Slomljen sada sasvim, lezis nasred ulice,
Koracaju preko tebe, ne gledaju , ne primjecuju te,
Ili jednostavno ne zele. Zasto bi i htjeli?
Je li se to njihov svemir djeli, jesu li to oni ti koji su na nemilost baceni,
I natjerani da prose, jesu li oni svoju vlasitut dusu jeli,
I milovali mrak jer donosi tisinu, i jedini smiraj poslje otrovanog dana?
Nisu, njih ne ujeda za oci tama, niti suzna bol slama.
Nekima je i teze, pa se sa tim nose,
Ti ne mozes, osjecas da nemas snage ni da otklonis trag rose
Sa cela, i sve kada bi neka od tvojih vila htjela,
Ne bi mogla uciniti nista da utisa jecaj boli i zla,
Niti da te izvuce sa dna, i to je tvoja prokleta sudbina.
don't ever belive in me
Razorit cu ti snove,
cistim pokretom ruke,
ubit cu ti dusu,
bez imalo muke,
zavladat cu tvojim koracima,
i odvesti te na dalek put bez povratka
neces sa mnom biti u oblacima,
kako si s drugima navikla,
ja nisam tip sto voli da voli,
niti volim uopce,
ja samo unistavam do boli,
i uzivam u tome,
iako mozda i nije tako sve,
ne trebas mi vjerovati,
jer ja ne mogu drugacije.
u mojim petama se krije karta svijeta,
i obisla sam sve mracne kutke,
i vjeruj mi andjele moj lijepi,
nisam ja za njezne trenutke,
kada me zavolis i pozelis da ostanem,
ja odlazim, i punim ti oci suzama,
a srce korovom crnim,
a ti ne shvatas koliko je samo krvi,
proslo kroz moje naizgled neduzne prste,
i ne slutis da oni sto se u mene kunu,
na moju pojavu se krisom krste,
i mole da izbjegnu susret sa mojim praznim ocima.
kada me ugledas, ne vidis nista osim ludila
ali ti si zaslijepljena mojim divnim pricama,
i gubis se od bunila.
nemoj, nemoj nikada da mi vjerujes,
ne vrijedi, iako nikada neces da se kajes,
uzet cu od tebe tvoj najljepsi dio,
i ostat ces onako, sama, i
razmisljati o tome zivot cio.
Laž 1: Postoji samo sadašnjost i ništa što se pamti.
Laž 2: Vrijeme ima pravolinijski tok.
Laž 3: Razlika između prošlosti i budućnosti jeste to što se jedno već dogodilo, a drugo nije.
Laž 4: U jednom trenutku možemo biti samo na jednom mjestu.
Laž 5: Bilo koji prijedlog koji sadrži riječ “konačan” (svijet, univerzum, iskustva, mi sami…)
Laž 6: Stvarnost kao nešto oko čega se možemo složiti.
Laž 7: Stvarnost kao istina.
Dženet Vinterson
Seksirajući trešnju, 1989.
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A Mystery by Irland
System of a Down - Roulette
I have a problem that I cannot explain,
I have no reason why it should have been so plain,
Have no questions but I sure have excuse,
I lack the reason why I should be so confused,
I know, how I feel when I'm around you,
I don't know, how I feel when I'm around you,
Around you,
Left a message but it ain't a bit of use,
I have some pictures, the wild might be the deuce,
Today you saw, you saw me, you explained,
Playing the show and running down the plane,
I know, how I feel when I'm around you,
I don't know, how I feel when I'm around you,
I, I know, how I feel when I'm around you,
I don't know, how I feel when I'm around you,
Around you, around you, around you
I, I know, how I feel when I'm around you,
I don't know, how I feel when I'm around you,
I, I know, how I feel when I'm around you,
I don't know, how I feel when I'm around you,
Around you, around you, around you, around you
Depeche Mode - Walking In My Shoes
I would tell you about the things
They put me through
The pain Ive been subjected to
But the lord himself would blush
The countless feasts laid at my feet
Forbidden fruits for me to eat
But I think your pulse would start to rush
Now Im not looking for absolution
Forgiveness for the things I do
But before you come to any conclusions
Try walking in my shoes
Try walking in my shoes
Youll stumble in my footsteps
Keep the same appointments I kept
If you try walking in my shoes
If you try walking in my shoes
Morality would frown upon
Decency look down upon
The scapegoat fates made of me
But I promise you, my judge and jurors
My intentions couldnt have been purer
My case is easy to see
Im not looking for a clearer conscience
Peace of mind after what Ive been through
And before we talk of repentance
Try walking in my shoes
Try walking in my shoes
Youll stumble in my footsteps
Keep the same appointments I kept
If you try walking in my shoes
If you try walking in my shoes
Try walking in my shoes
Now Im not looking for absolution
Forgiveness for the things I do
But before you come to any conclusions
Try walking in my shoes
Try walking in my shoes
Youll stumble in my footsteps
Keep the same appointments I kept
If you try walking in my shoes
Now Im not looking for absolution
Forgiveness for the things I do
But before you come to any conclusions
Try walking in my shoes
Try walking in my shoes
Youll stumble in my footsteps
Keep the same appointments I kept
If you try walking in my shoes
Try walking in my shoes
If you try walking in my shoes
Try walking in my shoes
